Odium

He wanted to die. Right now- this very moment, he was praying for anything to happen. Behind his plated mask, his face was grim. His eyes were narrow, focusing on the road ahead. Every one of her words rung in his ears, shattering his senses again and again. Quickly- very quickly had he rebuilt the cold wall that he took down for her. How quickly did he push her away, throwing away any hope that could have remained? No. It was all a lie. Every intention- every feeling was a delusion.

* * *

He was quietly dressing a wound when she suddenly came in. Clenching his teeth, he slowly wrapped bandage over bandage in an attempt to seal the deep gash where the sword had sliced him. It was a serious wound and he had ignored it far too long by the time he arrived at Thelsamar. With the toss of a few coins to the innkeeper, he stumbled to an empty room, collapsing in front of the fire and hastily wrapping delicate cloth over the bloody cut.

And then she was there behind him, as if she had never left. Walking in on him without his shirt. How long had she stood there watching? Where was she before, when he silently waited for her in Lakeshire? Turning towards her, he could not help but feel embarrassed, glancing down at his bare chest- covered in tiny cuts and little scars. And yet he hoped that she would notice the wound and come closer to look at it, her smooth hands running over his shoulder, down to his arm.

And then she said it. Before he could tell her anything- before his own words came from quivering lips, she told him that they would never be. First confusion hit him. He did not understand her words for a moment, not realizing their meaning. She was never one to be blunt. He could not tell whether she was smiling or not, her face glancing down to the stony floor below them.

And then slowly, the truth fell upon him like a hammer slamming down on cold metal. But there were no sparks in his eyes. Only a dimming realization that hit him in the one place he had reinforced with false hope. No words came to mind. He stuttered helplessly, looking for anything that could comfort him. Words. Thoughts. Emotions. Everything began to feel overwhelming. The air around him grew heavy and dark, the light around her quickly fading away before his eyes.

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. He could only sit there, frozen in time as she slowly destroyed him from the inside. Memories rushed through him like a storm. Those smiles. Those priceless meetings. That one forbidden kiss that still lingered upon his lips. Everything.

And now it was all gone, pulled from him with a gut wrenching force. He could hardly hear her now- or himself. It was his turn to talk and he could only seep poison from where once blissful words only came from. He was angry now, and his voice had amplified to a low yell. He wanted to stop- he wanted it all to go away!

No. He kept going, attacking her with spiteful words, refusing to comprehend the irrationality of his logic. It didn't matter anymore. Looking down at his hand, he saw blood trickling down his palm. So much anger.

But for a reason. She was his world. She held the torch that lit his bonfire of dreams. He could not have gone so far without her, pulling away from the cold dark apathy of his soul and becoming a man once more. He wanted to be her champion. Her paladin.

And yet, she only acted upon the whims of a priestess, intent on helping his soul. His soul. Did she even give a damn about his heart? What mattered more?

In the end, she had her secrets. In the end, she had her mysteries. He told her everything. His every sin- his every secret. But her… He knew nothing of her. Nothing about her world, nothing about her life.

Was there someone else? Was it simply a game to her? Damn her and her secrets! He didn't know anything!

And in the end, it was he who turned his back on her. He had not slept in days now, traveling northwards towards his task. His plans to rest were over when she destroyed his tranquility. He could have gone north with a lie, thinking that she felt something for him. That would have been enough for him to keep fighting with something to come back to.

But now he had nothing, once more. It was the same feeling he had ages ago. He had no one. And in the end, he had one last gift to give. A crushed flower- its beauty destroyed by his fury. He had grabbed her arm and shoved the rose into her hand, turning his back to her without even seeing her face. He knew she was crying. But so was he. Behind that helmet- behind that mask, his face was wet with the tears of sorrow.

There would be no more dreams to fight for. As he rode on, he could only think of what he had done wrong. Where had he faltered? When did he lose his focus? Even then, in that tower in Silithus, he had lost his hope. Yes, he had let her go. And such a loss nearly pushed him over the tower's edge and unto the stony crags below. But then she was there for him, before he could commit the final transgression. She was there for him once more, and his dream was sealed with her kiss.

Things were different now. She wanted to come with him- to haunt him at his side while they entered the cold heart of Naxxramas. He would not have it. With a hateful growl, he forbid her to join him, and left. It was over. He had nothing. She took everything from him. Everything.

"Sir, the Dawn is prepared to carry out its objective." He said coldly, not bothering to salute the Duke as he approached him at Light's Hope.

"Were you not hesitant with the amount of men you had earlier, Commander?"

"It is enough."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I do not want anymore. I don't care w-."

"Commander! You've a few weeks to carry out the final objective and you say you have enough men? I find this ridiculous."

He gritted his teeth, narrowing his eyes at the Duke.

"You ordered me on a suicide mission, sir."

"I asked you and you agreed!"

"Then let me carry out my own orders!" He yelled, forgetting his place. The hall quieted around him. Even the council at the table behind him became silent as they watched the scene unfold.

"Azurio, we seem to have a problem."

"I can take care of it, sir." He muttered, realizing his actions.

"See to it that you do. I will continue with rallying more men for the Dawn. Can I place my trust in you, Azurio?"

"Yes sir."

"Excellent. Carry on then."

Turning his back to the Duke, he coldly walked out of the hall, his dark gaze set ahead on the door. Suddenly stopping, he glanced back at the Duke who had already turned his attention to other matters.

"Sir."

"Yes, Tserai?"

"After this is over… I would like to join the expedition to Northrend."

Without waiting for a reply, he left the Argent halls and silently strode to his tent, his mind burning with a complete odium.
-----
Commentary:
This is a short story I wrote in regards to the Azurio within Warcraft after certain events lead to a interesting separation between him and someone he cared for. It can relate very closely to Dark Partings but there is actually so much difference between the two. Azurio in Calus does not anger as quickly as the one in Azeroth. They share much in common but are completely two different people. I enjoy writing about my character's experiences in Azeroth because it offers interesting views on proposing storylines while giving me enough freedom to develop better techniques when it comes to writing.